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ramblings

oo god, im falling into a rut again, i really should not have based my motivation to study on something so transient. im now suffering the consequence of having limited motivation and a lack of a place to study.
times a running out, theres 2 months left to the a lvls, 4 more days to the September holidays where i really have got to have enormous self motivation to get myself out of the house. i also need a tanker load of self discipline. if i see her good for me, if not, well there are far more important things than that right now.





ok i hate myself, nothing to say just dont talk la. fuck why the hell did i do that? on a brighter note, i met lishan today which was nice. studied, came home, and wasted my day. why do i do this to myself? god i should just focus on studying. in fact, i think thats what il do right now.





                                                   
                                                           HAPPY TIMES



just what i needed

this is my own shitty little view but i believe the reason why love songs are so prevalent and most of the current hits (other than ed sheerans' A team) are about topics professing different aspects of love is because it's so damn hard to find. seriously, why is it so hard to connect with people? heck, its mostly my fault because i shut myself off but really, is it because people build walls around themselves? to 'protect' themselves?
seriously? i think people place too much importance on themselves, believing they are breaking new ground in human thought or their troubles only apply to them. there are 7 billion people in this world, do you honestly believe you(metaphorical) are so important?
but that isnt my main point.
love, or the cheap version i experience is so fleeting, and so hard to find, sure, i have a hell lot of eye candy, even some girls ive had the hots for. however, after i actually liked someone for their personality or a deeper emotion than something crass like a crush, ive not had that feeling of caring for someone so much. why? sure i have tried to know girls but ive not gotten close to any girl since j1 part 1.
went off for supper with the 4sb people and i lost my train off thought so il end it here

still not hitting optimum studying time. im at 2 hrs when i need to be at 8-10 hours.
I WANT TO EAT THAI FOOD. NOW.
but its soooo far away~
dont think im going to make friends in the end, prelims is next week

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i think they call it freedom of speech

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watch me waste my life away

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my virtual barang