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ramblings

suck it up. man the fuck up. and stop whining bitch



isnt it fucking amazing how my head can create all kinds of excuses, twist all events to suit my needs in my screwed up head so that i can continue wallowing in this beautiful/ugly self-delusion???? seriously, bending even the most extreme situations, seeing hope even in smouldering ashes.

and then reality walks in and i get the same damn fucking rude awakening. it tells me that there is no fucking chance, that im not even considered.

but no, i dont give up, i want to see her happy. so i stick my nose where it doesnt belong. and it fucking hurts me again. i did the same exact thing 2 years ago and it still haunts me. have i recovered? no. its changed my personality. thank god im good at hiding it behind my 'looks'

isnt it sad when you realise that you cant click with some people? that you can be friends and nothing more? that there is a ceiling to how close you can become?

no matter how much you try, differences in personality prevent that friendship from becoming anything more.

why do i hate smsing so much? seriously, i find it to be so damn irritating, its just tiring to constantly think of things to reply and talk about. isnt it nicer to meet up and talk? i know that that is a hard thing to do, making two schedules sync. but it still feels so much better than smsing.

another thing. addiction is bad. its hard to break, easy to go back to and it feels like im running a flu all the time. the best part is im only at the infant stage of addiction. imagine what it must be like for hardcore addicts

oo god, im falling into a rut again, i really should not have based my motivation to study on something so transient. im now suffering the consequence of having limited motivation and a lack of a place to study.
times a running out, theres 2 months left to the a lvls, 4 more days to the September holidays where i really have got to have enormous self motivation to get myself out of the house. i also need a tanker load of self discipline. if i see her good for me, if not, well there are far more important things than that right now.

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i think they call it freedom of speech

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ctrl + left click

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watch me waste my life away

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my virtual barang